How to overcome the fear of rejection and tackle the objections coming in the way?

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Rejection is hard, and it can make anyone doubt his/her worth. What you need to understand, though, is that this is one of the oldest and most universal problems, and many people have defeated it, which means you can too.

Let’s see how.

The reality is that rejection is just a part of life, no more threatening or damaging than having to drive to an office job or having to mow your own lawn. It’s not fun, but it’s really not as bad as your mind makes it out to be.

Hence, fear of rejection is mostly a result of being new to something and needing a little more experience. We often forget of all the things we do regularly on a daily or weekly basis, such as driving a car, operating or fixing appliances, working a job, admitting to mistakes, that at one time in our lives seemed scary and like we might mess up, or it would be worse than we thought it was. But now you’re desensitized to it, and that’s what we need you to do for rejection as well, just like jumping into a cold pool and getting accustomed to it in 5 seconds, you never really had anything to fear.

The reality is that rejection is just a part of life, no more threatening or damaging than having to drive to an office job or having to mow your own lawn. It’s not fun, but it’s really not as bad as your mind makes it out to be.

Hence, fear of rejection is mostly a result of being new to something and needing a little more experience. We often forget of all the things we do regularly on a daily or weekly basis, such as driving a car, operating or fixing appliances, working a job, admitting to mistakes, that at one time in our lives seemed scary and like we might mess up, or it would be worse than we thought it was. But now you’re desensitized to it, and that’s what we need you to do for rejection as well, just like jumping into a cold pool and getting accustomed to it in 5 seconds, you never really had anything to fear.

The two common circumstances that foster a fear of rejection are work and relationships. It varies from person to person where he/she feels it and how it affects their emotions and opinions about themselves, but very often I see rejection showing up in work more than relationships or socializing these days. As more and more people are pursuing new work options, or want to, more people are facing the fear of rejection than usual.

Let’s get to the heart of the matter. Here’s how you can overcome the fear of rejection:

#1 Develop self-confidence by recalling situations in your life where you succeeded despite obstacles. Even if you’ve lived a very hard life, and you don’t recall many wins so far, consider two things. #1, you might just be young and haven’t had the time to face a lot of challenges yet. Or #2, you might have had a rough time and not achieved many of the things you wanted to do in life, but that means you are basically just like everybody else, and furthermore, that in itself is most definitely a success against obstacles, that you are still considering what you want to do after not succeeding the first time. That means you have what it takes to win what you want in life.

#2 You have no idea what other people think of you. So don’t think about it. People will always have something to say, and often the things you hate to hear the most will turn out to make you a better or more skilled person. When we think about the perception of others, it shows in our communication, and once a person smells a hint of desperation from you, it’s going to probably not work out. If you don’t seem to care what they think very much, and you’re just focused on some kind of goal or purpose in life, they start thinking about you, and maybe if they should impress or assist you in some way for their own reasons. To me, conversations are like driving a Formula 1 car. All you are really doing is going fast and keeping the wheel straight, and you’ll get where you need to go.

#3 Focus on your goals. Instead of thinking “I don’t want to feel rejection”, you should think “I want to get this/that done.” If your goal was to talk to a customer and pitch, then you succeeded as long as you did that. Don’t give yourself unfair goals like getting the next sale, until you are more experienced and confident.

As a side note on focus: You know IQ numbers? I have my own kind of IQ number I test people for Indulgence and Quitting. People have an incredible tendency to indulge in personal development activity, whether it be working out, learning a language or instrument, dating, etc. by leaping face-first and making extreme, Herculean efforts. This leads their unready bodies or minds to get exhausted within a week or less and then take a break, which builds anti-momentum rapidly until they just quietly quit and forget about it entirely. Don’t be over-zealous. Create a reasonable, consistent routine of progress and practice that leaves you energized, not tired, at the end of the day.

#4 Take a lesson from the situation when you got rejected. We cannot control people, but we can control the variables around ourselves to make things work in our favor. Maybe you didn’t smile the last time you talked to someone. Maybe your sales pitch is still too long and complicated. That’s fine. Genius is a myth. Mozart was a prodigy because he was trained from practical infancy. You can be a Mozart of anything you want, and that’s the truth. So let yourself learn and get stronger from every blow or setback. Then, next time, stand stronger and tougher.

#5 Develop the habit of visualization, and every day when you wake up, visualize as if you already have the main thing that you desire in life. For instance, if you want to lose weight, imagine yourself already thin, fit, maybe on the beach. Imagine the lifestyle changes in detail that you will be allowed to enjoy. The more you focus on something deliberately, as a habit, the more motivated you get to take action and make it real. For instance, I always use my morning shower as a way to think about my current art projects, because habitually my mind just goes in that direction, and I’ve learned to rely on that and use it, so that every morning, I have a new piece of inspiration or two bouncing in my head. Life is a lot less complicated when you have a well of ideas you know you can tap into every day.

#6 Practice stoic optimism. You can enjoy it when you succeed or laugh and brainstorm an exciting new plan when you don’t. Either something good will happen, or you will learn the next step to making something good happen. You have nothing to fear.

By doing more research and then adopting the above suggestions, you can overcome the fear of rejection.

One should overcome the fear of rejection as soon as he/she can. Procrastination, the biggest symptom of fear of rejection, is no less than a disease that stops a person from trying new things and becoming what they want to be in life. To give more points to this answer, I have an interesting post to share: How to Never Wimp Out Again. That post discusses how someone can do the one thing that scares him/her most. If you are interested, you can read that post on my website.

Feel free to reply if you have any questions.

Good Luck!

Thanks,

Cleo



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Next How to overcome the fear of rejection/defeat?
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